If you live in Luton....sorry. Not sorry - I apologise, rather sorry - I feel sorry for the fact that any Briton should have to live in such a festering shithole.
Today I had to visit Luton town centre, I sincerely hope that I shall never be required to do so again.
The whole place smells, frankly, like stale piss and shit. Nobody speaks English in any kind of reasonable form, even the natives.
Criminals and lunatics wander the streets, gibbering at passers by.
I went to Maplins for a couple of basic electrical bits. I left emptyhanded as nobody working there seemed to know:
a) anything about the products on sale
b) the meaning of the words 'cable' or 'plug'
After a hasty retreat to my Hertfordshire fastness I felt compelled to tell you all that; this pestilent pit was infested with the most foul of subhuman filth and should never be braved by anyone of a civilised nature.
Plus...I was damn lucky I'm a really big bastard, as a man in a decent suit attracts the wrong sort of attention in those parts I can tell you.