Sunday, September 21, 2008

I am moving

Due to the inability of myself and Dropoutlife to post regularly we are moving to a new joint blog at:

The Offensive Line

We will not only be posting regularly but also enlisting several guest contributors.

We hope to see you there!


Friday, May 02, 2008

Only in America

Almost too stupid to speak....I mean really....what can you say to that.

A bit of a hiatus

Yes I was I am back.

Just found four parking tickets on my car...some cunt is really going to get it.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

What is wrong with Cameron?

I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine recently about who I would ideally like to see take the reins at number 10.

My argument, is that I am fed up of wet pussies heading up this great nation. As some amusing puppets once pointed out 'Pussies get fucked by dicks, and so do assholes'. There is a worrying amount of truth to this. Said friend is a card carrying Tory....and rightly so. He believes (as I do) that the Conservative Party are our best chance of getting Labour out, and this of course should be the nations primary goal.

However, David Cameron is where we differ. I yearn for a leader with physical, mental and martial strength to lead us. I want to be led by somebody who I wouldn't like to go up against in a scrap, who I regard as flat out.....well....formidable. We have plenty of individuals in this mold (look at the army), we need to get just one of these men or women to the top.

The last man in number 10 was without a shadow of a doubt.....Margaret Thatcher. She had balls of solid steel. She was a determined pragmatist who did not back down. And despite her physical fragility, that woman would stand against anyone. Not called the 'Iron Bitch' for nothing.

What have we had since? Fucking wet farts, men who only hold the description because they don't have tits. A fucking embarrassment.

So I exclaim that we need an alpha male/female, somebody with bollocks. And the usually excellent Jackart comes out with:

'Cameron is an alpha male! He belonged to the Bullingdon Club for god's sake!'

Now ladies and gents, are you looking as puzzled as me?

Yes, Cameron is our best hope. Yes, he is the man to get Brown out. But, he is not a man. He is a chameleon, a necessary evil.

Membership of the Bullingdon Club basically means that you regularly go out and behave like a fucking toddler on other peoples premises. You have no respect for others property, and you like to think you are something akin to a rockstar when you are, in fact, a fucking student. I, personally would have bullied Cameron in school, on the basis he was undoubtedly an irritating little cretin. Come on Jack, you have been in the army, you know what real men are. They fight, and fuck, and do what needs to be done. They do not try and be all things to all people, they do what needs to be fucking done.

Bush is a dribbling idiot, but at least he wouldn't shit his pants if you gave him a smack in the mouth.

How about Martin Johnson? He is intelligent, a proven leader...and I wouldn't want to fight the bastard.

Friday, January 18, 2008

You might be a....Cunt?

Many of you may be familiar with the 'If...(insert amusing conditional situation) might be a redneck!' jokes. If your gunrack has a gunrack on it...hur hur etc.

I have taken the concept a little further and anglicised it somewhat. So, below are my 'you might be a cunt!' assertions.

If you earn more than £35k a year and vote might be a cunt.

If you earn less than £35k a year and vote might be a cunt.

If you drive a BMW 3 might be a cunt.

If you are male and wear skinny might be a cunt.

If you do not accept that communism/socialism is a cancer that must be eliminated by might be a cunt.

If you are employed by the police in any might be a cunt.

If you are a politician of any might be a cunt.

What do you think? What conditions might mean somebody is a cunt?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Media Week meme

I watched:

NFL - those who claim it's boring.....are generally boring.

Some really good porn based around Star Wars.

A lot of Cisco tutorial stuff, not as boring as it sounds.

Some youtube videos of British soldiers shooting foreigners.

Aussie Park Boys (again), this film appeals to something feral in me.

I am reading:

Naked Lunch (William Burroughs) - pleasingly twisted and deviant, a bit like me.

Robert Jordan's most recent 'Wheel of Time' novel - epic doesnt quite cover this series, if only the bastard could write them a bit faster.

Some interesting bits and pieces on the muslim situation, which I will be collating and posting on very soon.

I have Surfed:

Jackart, DK, Vindico, Harry Hutton, Trixy, Twenty Major, Dropoutlife.

Too much time on Facebook, and too much time on the graft.

Lionheart - odd but strangely compelling.

I have listened to:

Death in Vegas, Teddybears, Zero 7, Freddy Forsythe audiobooks.

I am tagging...nobody. I am fed up of these fucking memes.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

More Piggy Idiocy

The ever lovely yet razor-sharp Trixy picks up on this.

Another staggering example of the Police acting with the utmost incompetence and lack of real world judgement. Britain is experiencing mounting social problems, especially with children from the ever growing underclass. Governed entirely by self interest, the Police do not consider right and wrong, merely the joy of power over the individual.

Long gone are the days of the trusted bobby, communities are now abused by their Police officers rather than defended. It brought tears to my eyes recently, when sitting with my young godson I had to explain to him (using a small wooden policeman) that they were 'bad men and women who want to lock you up'. What have we come to? How have the police fallen so far?

There is nobody to defend us, and we are forbidden to defend ourselves. They would have us turn the other cheek and spend our lives in fear.

I for one, will not.

Friday, January 04, 2008

British fucking Gas

Today I had the fifth call in the last fortnight from my good friends at British Gas. They were asking for money again...

Me: 'Hello'

BG: (pregnant pause..cunting predictive dialler) 'allo meester *****'.

Me: 'Is this call from India?'

BG: 'I am calleeeeng from Breetish Gas'

Me: 'Is this call from India?'

BG: 'Yes'

Me: 'Please find me somebody with first language standard English, preferably a supervisor. I don't want to spend the next hour repeating my address very loudly and slowly'.

BG: 'M...'

Me: 'Now please!'

BG: 'Hello Sir I am a supervisor, we are calling a you for immediate payment of the £627 you owe on your gas account. Do you have a debit or credit card handy?'

Me: 'Is this regarding (address)?'

BG: 'Yes sir'

Me: 'This property burned down in June of this year, as I have informed you at least half a dozen times. So this is for estimated usage yes?'

BG: 'That is correct sir'.

Me: 'For a property that doesnt exist?'

BG: 'Yes sir'

Me: 'Tell me again why I should be paying this?'

BG: 'I must accept immediate payment in full sir'

Me: 'You must accept that you are a cretin who doesn't seem to understand the idea that one doesn't pay for utilities that have not been used'.

Me: 'I have given you a final meter reading, why are we still having this conversation?'

BG: 'We have attempted to confirm reading but have been denied access to the property'.


BG: 'Im still going to have to take payment'.




Me: 'FUCK OFF, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT!!' (Hangup).

Fucking British Gas.

New Year, New Start....or something like that.

My resolutions are:

To actually use the routing, switching and security lab that I now have in my house.

To have rough sex with a female of oriental origin.

To punch my brother in the throat everytime he leaves his socks and boxers all over the kitchin/livingroom.

To stop trying to be nice to everyone.

I don't want to know yours, and if you tell me I will stab you in the face with a dinnerfork. So fuck off.