This morning was not a good one, I missed my direct train meaning not only did I run late but that I had to brave King's Cross and Satan's Tubes.
By the time I got to the City my level of hunger was pushing me ever closer to violence, unable to make it a far as my normal sandwich shop I foolishly stopped at what appeared to be some sort of designer pie shop. Alarm bells should have been ringing.
A glance told me that a small meat pie and mash was about 7 quid...fuck that, but hang on, I spy sausages and bacon. I approached the rather attractive young lady behind the counter.
..rather attractive, but as I was about to find out, woefully inept...and French.
I cannot abide the French at the best of times, this was clearly going to be a trial.
Me: "Could I have a sausage and bacon roll please?"
Frog: "That eez seven pounds."
Me: "Pardon? are you serious?"
Frog: "Yes zey are three pounds fifty each."
Me: (Confused) "But I just want the one."
Frog: "Bacon or sausage?"
Me: (Very Confused) "ummm...both?"
Frog: (sounding annoyed) "Then zat is seven pounds, rolls are three fifty each!"
Me: (almost sobbing) "But I only want one roll, with bacon and sausage and preferably some ketchup."
Frog: "Bacon and Sausage in one roll?"
Frog: "Together?" (looking puzzled)
At this point I am genuinely close to tears, I am so hungry and frustrated.
Frog: (Baffled expression) "I do not have a price for that."
Me: "Sweet Christ! how about you charge me an extra pound and you put a sausage in my bacon roll?"
Frog: "I cannot do zat, zere is no button on the till."
Me: "This is why you always lose wars!"
At this point I left and crawled the extra distance to where a couple of friendly Turkish chaps made me a breakfast roll that would have fed an army.