Wednesday, September 26, 2007

TV licensing idiocy

I received a letter yesterday from my friends at TV licensing. In large, angry, red lettering it informed me that my details had been passed to their enforcement officers.

This confused me a great deal.

Being as enamoured of home cinema as I am, I bought a TV license some months ago when I moved in (and have payed for it according to my bank statement). So I called TV licensing to inform them of this.

I was informed by the exceedingly sullen young lady (I shall call her Meeta for the purposes of the story) on the end of the phone that I did not in fact have a TV Licence, I then asked what in buggery I was paying £135.50 a year for.

A fair question one might think. The conversation continued something like....

Meeta: "Our system says that you are unlicensed so regardless what you think you have paid you are liable for a fine".

Me: "I don't 'think' I have paid anything, the money has left my account and entered yours. I believe that is a good definition of payment."

Meeta: " That is impossible, the computer is saying that you are unlicensed."

Me: "Then the computer is wrong sweetheart".

Meeta: "Computers don't make mistakes".

Me: "I think you will find that they do when operated by barely literate, semi-cretinous, pathetic excuses for people such as yourself."


Meeta: " I'm putting you through to my supervisor.

Me: " Does his undoubtedly rudimentary command of English outstrip yours by a considerable margin?"


2 minutes of conversation follows with 'James' who can not only speak clear English but is able to type and breathe at the same time.

Outcome...they had made a mistake, they were very sorry. They were unfortunately not able to comment on my objections to the BBC's blatantly dangerous and offensive leftist agenda.

Why such conversations are necessary escapes me.


Momentary Academic said...

I am such a fan of the moments when men get frustrated and use the word "sweetheart." It's simultaneously adorable and frustrating. :)

Jackart said...

The male equivalent is "sunshine", especially to gentlemen of HM constabulary.