Wednesday, September 26, 2007

TV licensing idiocy

I received a letter yesterday from my friends at TV licensing. In large, angry, red lettering it informed me that my details had been passed to their enforcement officers.

This confused me a great deal.

Being as enamoured of home cinema as I am, I bought a TV license some months ago when I moved in (and have payed for it according to my bank statement). So I called TV licensing to inform them of this.

I was informed by the exceedingly sullen young lady (I shall call her Meeta for the purposes of the story) on the end of the phone that I did not in fact have a TV Licence, I then asked what in buggery I was paying £135.50 a year for.

A fair question one might think. The conversation continued something like....

Meeta: "Our system says that you are unlicensed so regardless what you think you have paid you are liable for a fine".

Me: "I don't 'think' I have paid anything, the money has left my account and entered yours. I believe that is a good definition of payment."

Meeta: " That is impossible, the computer is saying that you are unlicensed."

Me: "Then the computer is wrong sweetheart".

Meeta: "Computers don't make mistakes".

Me: "I think you will find that they do when operated by barely literate, semi-cretinous, pathetic excuses for people such as yourself."

Silence.

Meeta: " I'm putting you through to my supervisor.

Me: " Does his undoubtedly rudimentary command of English outstrip yours by a considerable margin?"

Silence.

2 minutes of conversation follows with 'James' who can not only speak clear English but is able to type and breathe at the same time.

Outcome...they had made a mistake, they were very sorry. They were unfortunately not able to comment on my objections to the BBC's blatantly dangerous and offensive leftist agenda.

Why such conversations are necessary escapes me.

2 comments:

Momentary Academic said...

I am such a fan of the moments when men get frustrated and use the word "sweetheart." It's simultaneously adorable and frustrating. :)

Jackart said...

The male equivalent is "sunshine", especially to gentlemen of HM constabulary.