A cunning stunt

This morning, following my experience earlier this week, I formulated and executed a cunning plan:

I went to my favourite morning sandwich shop, and there made a crucial purchase.

I then continued on to the baffling, frog-addled, designer pie shop that so confounded me previously.

Feeling slightly smug I approached yon frog.."One BACON roll please kind lady!"

She looked at me quite frankly, as if I was a twat, but handed over the food.

Beaming with glee, I whipped out the two hot sausages I had purchased only moments before and stuffed them into the roll.

I proceeded to cram as much food into my mouth as possible while shouting/mumbling "This is our Waterloo!"

I then had to run as I am pretty sure she was calling the police. But that, ladies and gents, is how one deals with the French.

Breakfast debacle

This morning was not a good one, I missed my direct train meaning not only did I run late but that I had to brave King's Cross and Satan's Tubes.

By the time I got to the City my level of hunger was pushing me ever closer to violence, unable to make it a far as my normal sandwich shop I foolishly stopped at what appeared to be some sort of designer pie shop. Alarm bells should have been ringing.

A glance told me that a small meat pie and mash was about 7 quid...fuck that, but hang on, I spy sausages and bacon. I approached the rather attractive young lady behind the counter.

..rather attractive, but as I was about to find out, woefully inept...and French.

I cannot abide the French at the best of times, this was clearly going to be a trial.

Me: "Could I have a sausage and bacon roll please?"

Frog: "That eez seven pounds."

Me: "Pardon? are you serious?"

Frog: "Yes zey are three pounds fifty each."

Me: (Confused) "But I just want the one."

Frog: "Bacon or sausage?"

Me: (Very Confused) "ummm...both?"

Frog: (sounding annoyed) "Then zat is seven pounds, rolls are three fifty each!"

Me: (almost sobbing) "But I only want one roll, with bacon and sausage and preferably some ketchup."

Frog: "Bacon and Sausage in one roll?"

Me: "Yes"

Frog: "Together?" (looking puzzled)

Me: "YES!"

At this point I am genuinely close to tears, I am so hungry and frustrated.

Frog: (Baffled expression) "I do not have a price for that."

Me: "Sweet Christ! how about you charge me an extra pound and you put a sausage in my bacon roll?"

Frog: "I cannot do zat, zere is no button on the till."

Me: "This is why you always lose wars!"

At this point I left and crawled the extra distance to where a couple of friendly Turkish chaps made me a breakfast roll that would have fed an army.