All I meet over the festive period I will be greeting with:
'Hey Halberstram - have a holly jolly Christmas!'
A tribute to my muse.
By the time anybody picks up the quote reference, I will have fed the raging beast that bubbles beneath the surface.
But seriously, a very Merry Christmas to all of you poor benighted bastards.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Sporting Lunch
Went to the new Wembley Stadium earlier in the week for a sporting celebrity lunch.
Food was shit, but I ran into Alan Hansen in the toilet and told him he was a cunt.
Good times.
Tagged
I have been tagged by Jackart to put up my computer desktop. Some of you may recognise this, if not please see www.badgerbadgerbadger.com. Mushroom MUSHROOM!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Close to tears
Anybody who knows me is aware I have little or no concern for those who aren't friends and family. To be honest this is commonplace, but most are not comfortable admitting it. It was unusual then for me to be moved almost to tears by an article in this morning's Metro.
The award-winning author Terry Pratchett has been diagnosed with Alzheimers, for which their is no cure. A man who, through sheer wit, talent and hard work makes the lives of hundreds of thousands of people that little bit better. I felt horrible guilt at the relief that washed over me at his promise to carry on writing. He is dying and I'm not thinking of his family, but rather whether or not I will get another fix of Pratchett wizardry.
However, as he himself stated...we are all dying, it is just a matter of when. Please Mr Pratchett, for all of us, don't leave us anytime soon. I would happily sit across the chessboard (being a rather competent player) from HIM, to contest any premature end to your writing.
The award-winning author Terry Pratchett has been diagnosed with Alzheimers, for which their is no cure. A man who, through sheer wit, talent and hard work makes the lives of hundreds of thousands of people that little bit better. I felt horrible guilt at the relief that washed over me at his promise to carry on writing. He is dying and I'm not thinking of his family, but rather whether or not I will get another fix of Pratchett wizardry.
However, as he himself stated...we are all dying, it is just a matter of when. Please Mr Pratchett, for all of us, don't leave us anytime soon. I would happily sit across the chessboard (being a rather competent player) from HIM, to contest any premature end to your writing.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
A 'special' kind of genius
I am continually trying to make sense of the ramblings of my younger sibling. We share a flat and work for the same company, so I inevitably end up spending a significant portion of my time with him. This, I thought was fucking priceless (bear in mind we both work in IT)....
Him: "If we pay for 24 meg broadband, why does this say my film is only downloading at 500kbps?"
Me: "Because we share that 24 meg with about 50 other people who are all probably doing the same thing as you right now"
Him: "I've been thinking about this, everybody wants more bandwidth. I've come up with a really simple idea, a cunning plan as it were..."
Me: "Is this going to be fucking stupid?"
Him: "No! (Looking hurt). Computers all still use binary yeah?"
Me: (in suspicious tone) "Yeeeees"
Him: "Well, all you have to do is write an application or something that cuts all the ones and zeros in half...you know, so they take up less space".
Me: (Totally fucking lost for words)..."um what the fuck are you on about you dribbler?"
Him: "No, listen...if they are cut horizontally and you get rid of the bottom half you can still tell from the top half whether it is a one or a zero!"
Now bearing in mind this chap was academically extremely successful and is almost savant at mathematics, statistics etc. You can see how I struggle to fathom his thought processes. What kind of brain comes up with an idea like that and thinks it could work? The mind boggles.
Read his blog and see for yourself.
Him: "If we pay for 24 meg broadband, why does this say my film is only downloading at 500kbps?"
Me: "Because we share that 24 meg with about 50 other people who are all probably doing the same thing as you right now"
Him: "I've been thinking about this, everybody wants more bandwidth. I've come up with a really simple idea, a cunning plan as it were..."
Me: "Is this going to be fucking stupid?"
Him: "No! (Looking hurt). Computers all still use binary yeah?"
Me: (in suspicious tone) "Yeeeees"
Him: "Well, all you have to do is write an application or something that cuts all the ones and zeros in half...you know, so they take up less space".
Me: (Totally fucking lost for words)..."um what the fuck are you on about you dribbler?"
Him: "No, listen...if they are cut horizontally and you get rid of the bottom half you can still tell from the top half whether it is a one or a zero!"
Now bearing in mind this chap was academically extremely successful and is almost savant at mathematics, statistics etc. You can see how I struggle to fathom his thought processes. What kind of brain comes up with an idea like that and thinks it could work? The mind boggles.
Read his blog and see for yourself.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Wishful thinking
This weekend I stayed up to watch the much hyped Hatton-Mayweather fight. So hyped in fact, that Britain as a whole seemed to believe that Hatton could win, that he was in fact a world-class boxer.
Bearing in mind that I find something likeable about Ricky Hatton (and that I truly, genuinely prayed for the untimely death of Floyd Mayweather on a 100% personal basis), I cannot jump on the 'ref was shit' bandwagon.
Yes, Cortez exhibited poor judgement throughout most of the fight. Yes, everything was dictated in such a way to play to the American's strengths. However, all things being equal...Mayweather is unfortunately one of the finest boxers ever to enter the ring, whereas Hatton is an angry little Manc scrapper with a decent bodyshot.
The fight was decided in the first round, where Mayweather established that Hatton couldn't maul him up close. It was like Tyson-Lewis all over again, a total mismatch that should never have been.
All credit to Hatton, stepping up a weight against such opposition. Make no mistake, Ricky has bollocks of steel. If only he had been classy enough to give that cunt some brain damage.
Bearing in mind that I find something likeable about Ricky Hatton (and that I truly, genuinely prayed for the untimely death of Floyd Mayweather on a 100% personal basis), I cannot jump on the 'ref was shit' bandwagon.
Yes, Cortez exhibited poor judgement throughout most of the fight. Yes, everything was dictated in such a way to play to the American's strengths. However, all things being equal...Mayweather is unfortunately one of the finest boxers ever to enter the ring, whereas Hatton is an angry little Manc scrapper with a decent bodyshot.
The fight was decided in the first round, where Mayweather established that Hatton couldn't maul him up close. It was like Tyson-Lewis all over again, a total mismatch that should never have been.
All credit to Hatton, stepping up a weight against such opposition. Make no mistake, Ricky has bollocks of steel. If only he had been classy enough to give that cunt some brain damage.
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